The Hurt In Betrayal And Love
by IAmJohnLocked4Life
Summary: A story of anger, life threatening injuries, and sadness. Rated T to be safe. ALL OF THE JOHNLOCK FEELS! Also, character death warning. YOU MIGHT NEED FACIAL TISSUES


John was in the kitchen, making a cup of tea, while I was in the living room, thinking. Actually, I had been thinking about John. I had developed an attraction to John, but I know that he fancied a woman named Mary, who was in a relationship with a man currently in Ireland. John had told me about Mary multiple times, but it never bothered me. I was glad that he trusted me enough to tell me about those things. I also had placed a deep trust in John, something that I had never done to anyone I knew. I trusted John so much that I willingly opened up about my past drug abuse. I trusted John so much that I decided to tell him about my feelings.

"John." I called into the kitchen

"Yes, Sherlock?" John questioned

I took a deep breath and then spoke.

"I have fallen in love with you." I confessed quickly, almost like I would lose my confidence to speak if I had spoke slowly.

John, who had been walking out into the living room, stopped dead in his tracks.

"I don't know why I am feeling like this. It goes against all of my beliefs, but I do know that I have fallen in love with you."

John had gotten past his shock and took a seat in his chair.

"I know that you have feelings for Mary, but I just thought that I would inform you of these feelings."

"So, you're telling me that you are gay?"

I sat and thought about the answer for a moment.

"More like confused." I replied.

John got back up and walked out into the kitchen, in a manner that made me think that I had made him uncomfortable.

"You know that your the third person to tell me this." John said from the kitchen.

I sat in my chair and smiled. I had told John how I felt and it felt great. I had put the ball in John's court and, now, it was his turn to make the decision of what to do with it.

A few days after first telling John how I felt, we were watching a movie. I was sprawled on the floor while John was laying on the couch. John was surprised that I had wanted to watch this movie. In the three months that we had shared a flat, I had never once been interested in watching movies. This specific movie, I would drop everything to watch, as this was my favorite movie of all time. Entrapment stared Sean Connery and Katherine Zeta Jones (in my opinion, one of the best Sean Connery movies every with the exception of his James Bond movies.). During the entire movie, I would look out of the corner of my eye and watch John. As I watched him, I knew why I had fallen for him.

He would do little things that would cause me to fall in love with him and he was even doing that during the movie. John had never seen Entrapment, so I loved how he focused on the movie. The way that his eyes twinkled as the career criminals made plans to steal the gold mask and how they defied death in China. I decided that when the movie was done, I would have to ask John a question that I had been afraid to ask after telling John how I felt.

The movie had ended and John sat in a post movie haze. I figured now was when I should ask my question.

"John, can I ask you a question?" I asked, rolling onto my stomach to face him.

"Sure, Sherlock."

"Is there any chance that you would date me?"

John sat in silence.

"What did you ask?"

"I know that you like Mary, but if you ever decided to not pursue her, would you think that there is a chance that you would date me?"

"There is a chance." John answered.

I smiled in the dark before speaking.

"You do know that I will wait for you, John."

"Sherlock, you do know that I have feelings for Mary."

"Yes, I know. I will still wait for you to see what course you guys want to go. I know that you have talked about it with her."

"That could take a while."

"I am willing to wait as long as you need."

"Sherlock, I don't want you to pass up any opportunities."

"I won't. I will keep an open mind because you asked me to, but I will still wait for you."

"Okay, Sherlock."

John got up and there went to bed. I continued to lay on the floor, happy. He had said that there was a chance. It had given me hope that things would work out the way that they were meant to be. I also knew that there was a chance that John would go to Mary, but I would still hold on to hope. In hindsight, this is the moment that I had stabbed myself in the chest with the hot icepick that would be torqued inside my chest.


End file.
